Day 49: The Three Stages of Creating Chaos

We treat the addictions in the other in which they're killing us

Today, I had a session with one of my spiritual teachers, and I shared everything that had happened in the past week. I’m deeply grateful to have him in my life—he is a steady, grounded presence. As we spoke, he reminded me of a saying from addiction recovery: "We treat the addictions in the order in which they’re killing us."

I’ve heard this before, and I know that I’m addicted to chaos. But this week, that truth became undeniable. If I continue living this way, it could lead me into dangerous situations, exposing me to harmful people and choices that put my well-being at risk.

I’ve long recognized my tendency to create chaos, and maybe that was the root of my struggles with Instagram. Getting sucked into its vortex over the past few years caused me to neglect so many other responsibilities. But when Rolf framed it differently, it clicked in a new way: Trying to fix my Instagram addiction while still creating chaos in my daily life is like someone trying to quit coffee while continuing to be addicted to alcohol. Which addiction is more likely to kill you? Focus on that first. I’ve been focusing on the wrong thing.

Since getting sober from alcohol six years ago, I’ve replaced that addiction with chaos—through entrepreneurship, my business, and my social media platform. It became overwhelming, unmanageable. And as soon as one source of chaos settled, I unconsciously sought out another. Now that I no longer wake up to hundreds of messages, invoices, and responsibilities, I’ve started inviting chaos in other ways. Peace feels unfamiliar, almost unnatural to me.

The Three Stages of Chaos

Today, we talked about the process of creating chaos, breaking it down into three stages: