Day 54: When There is No Silver Lining

The Problem with Spiritual Bypassing

This is a post I wrote a few days ago that I wasn’t ready to share at the time. I am sharing it now and I hope you enjoy it!

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In 2023, I attended a live Q&A with a well-known spiritual influencer. People came to her with their struggles, seeking guidance, and she offered advice—trying to make them feel better.

I remember sitting in the audience, thinking to myself: Wow. I would never, ever run an event like this.

People shared their problems briefly, and because there were about ten people seeking guidance in just one hour, the speaker never asked any clarifying questions. Instead, she immediately launched into spiritual teachings, offering prepackaged wisdom without truly understanding what each person needed. In some cases, she even cut people off, rushing through the process.

I watched in discomfort, but the worst moment came when a woman stepped onto the stage and shared that she had cancer. She explained that because of her illness, she could no longer work and had lost her sense of purpose in recovery.

The teacher responded with, "Obstacles are detours in the right direction."

At that moment, the energy in the room shifted. People were visibly unsettled. Someone in the audience shouted, "Yeah, but her obstacles are not normal obstacles! She has cancer!"

I don’t know if the speaker ignored the audience or simply didn’t hear them. Either way, I left with an uneasy feeling, reminded of exactly why I will never try to force someone to find the positives in their suffering.

This practice has a name: Spiritual Bypassing.

Photo by Wolfgang Hasselmann on Unsplash

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What Is Spiritual Bypassing?

Spiritual bypassing is the tendency to use spiritual beliefs or practices to avoid dealing with painful emotions, unresolved trauma, or real-life challenges. It dismisses suffering under the guise of wisdom, often leaving people feeling unseen and invalidated.

But Alex, you’re always saying: “there is a reason for this!” Yes - but when I say that - I am talking about myself, to myself, and for myself, about my own life experiences. That time I got COVID in Mexico on a retreat? That happened for a reason, and the reason was x, y and z. I do this to make myself feel better about my own suffering. But if someone came to me and told me something horrific had happened in their life, I would never say to them, “theres a reason for this.” Because it’s very minimizing of their suffering and bypasses the emotions they’re currently trying to share. Does that make sense? I think that’s a really important distinction for us all to be aware of as we move through the spiritual world and think about how we show up for eachother.

How Spiritual Bypassing Shows Up: