Day 60: Running in the Dark

Finding ways to find closure

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault

Something I’ve noticed is that I keep waking up in the middle of the night, getting up out of bed, and running whilst I am still asleep.

I sleep with at least one light on every night—which also confuses me because I keep waking up and thinking it’s the middle of the day, and that I’m late for whatever class or commitment I have. Before this happened, I used to wake up at 6am every day.

I get up in the middle of the night and I run away from the bed, into the bathroom or the other side of the room. Then it’s almost like I wake up and realize what I’m doing, and go back to bed. I wonder if I shout or scream in my sleep as well before I wake up. It’s definitely possible. When I get home today my friend is staying in the guest bedroom and I’ll have to ask him in the morning.

I think I did this about three times last night.

It didn’t even occur to me until this morning that this is new behaviour and that I don’t think I’ve done this before.

I imagine that it is the unconscious version of me that was trying to run that night.

I am gentle with myself.

Every night that I get more than six hours of sleep is a win.